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Talk Northern
We at BBB sometimes find it hard to understand what Northerners are saying. When this happens it is important to nod politely. Remember that it is regionalist to say to a Northerner that you cannot understand them. They will take offence that you had not bothered to learn their peculiar dialect and will report you to the You and Yours Correct Behaviour Department. This is why we have instigated Talk Northern.

The main points to remember are these:

1. All Northerners talk the same way. They may think there are different northern accents but this is not correct. They all talk "Northern". The exception is the north east language (known as "Geordie"). BBB pronunciation department has classed this as a foreign language.

2. When you venture up to the north you will be issued with a phrasebook, a black pudding, a can of bitter and a packet of cigarettes. Northerners will be very happy listening to your northern phrases while they drink the beer and smoke the cigarette. However, northerners do not eat black pudding but instead manufacture it and export it to London and the southern counties. It is a running joke with northerners that they have managed to persuade many southerners that the inedible black pudding is a delicacy. The northerner is likely to wait until other northerners are present and then hand it back to you to the accompaniment of merriment and sniggering.

3. Northern culture runs about 20 years behind the South. You would do well to mention Jim Bowen, Cannon & Ball and Cilla Black in the early conversations. BBB local radio only have a selection of 10 discs, including Celine Dion and Buck's Fizz. The Northerners' short memory span allows BBB to keep needle time costs to a minimum by playing the same 10 records every two hours.

4. Northerners have running water, electricity and some even have computers. They occasionally consume national television and radio broadcasts and are especially keen on Coronation Street. All other national broadcasts are considered to be for southerners only and are considered to be "pansy".

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